I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
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When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
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she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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