Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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