Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
