So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
