I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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