Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
