god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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