here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
