Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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