I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
