nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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