Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
