Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
