I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
