Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
