next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
