is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
