yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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