well I can't set my house on fire every night
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
