tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
