dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
