I murdered the dance floor call the cops
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Text me some of your sweat
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize