it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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