Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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