Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
