forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
