the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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