Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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