she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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