I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
