How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize