I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
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