my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
