Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
