Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
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More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
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