6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
