Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I am naked and annoyed.
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