Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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