I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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