The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
