you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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