I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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