what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
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we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
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Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
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