My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
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