Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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