We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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