Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
