My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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