I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
