You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
