do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
