hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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