Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
