He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's shark week go big or go home
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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