i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
