Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
he quoted the bible to break up with me
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
we're so committed to being not committed
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize