I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
