Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
