Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Damn victory sex feels great
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
