if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
