false alarm. still invincible.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
