Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize