So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
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After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize