Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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