I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing