Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
