Sry I called you an 8
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I will be naked everywhere
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
