Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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