Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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