he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
