A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
